We looked at one another, then looked at the museum security guard and through a fit of giggles shouted “Fonzie’s jacket is downstairs! Go for the glory!!” causing me to laugh so hard that I peed on myself...and a little on my friend Jamie Himaya because I was sitting in her lap.
Believe it or not, that very long sentence took me forty-seven days to write. Forty-seven days ago I decided to join the millions of bloggers out there and write my own blog. “No biggie!” I thought. “This will be fun!” I thought. “I’m a writer!” I thought. “This blog entry will make us millionaires!” I thought. Forty-seven days, people. FORTY-SEVEN DAYS! Do you know how hard it is to come up with the first sentence of your first blog? I must have typed and deleted at least three million first sentences, and they all were junk. So after forty-seven days of coming up with nothing, I decided to start my first blog entry with an ending of a story instead of a first sentence of a story because I can’t handle the pressure of a first sentence, y’all.
The first sentence of my first blog...that’s a big deal!! And if someone actually reads this (thanks, mom!) then that means it’s my first sentence as a writer. A writer’s first sentence. Oh the pressure! Everyone knows a first sentence has the potential to turn a writer into a literary icon, right? “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” Charles Dickens- Tale of Two Cities. “It was a pleasure to burn…” Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451.
I don’t believe there has ever been a time when I have felt more pressure to succeed...except for perhaps the time I was dared to drink Lori Gore’s 7 year old frozen breast milk, but that’s a blog for another day.
(sidenote: 7 year old frozen breast milk oddly enough tastes just like 2% milk)!
The first sentence is TOO. MUCH. PRESSURE. I mean, seriously...“It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the Rosenbergs, and I didn’t know what I was doing in New York.” Sylvia Plath- The Bell Jar “It was a bright cold day in April and the clocks were striking thirteen” George Orwell- 1984.
Dickens. Bradbury. Plath. Orwell. See??? SEE!!!! See what I mean!!! Brilliant first sentences!! Iconic literary geniuses!!
And then there’s me....
“I peed on my friend Jamie” Leigh Chamberlain- First Blog Entry.
I’m no Dickens, but this is my journey...one awkward, ridiculous journey. A journey that sometimes includes me accidentally peeing on my friend. A journey that sometimes includes me drinking seven-year-old frozen breast milk. It’s a journey full of mistakes, mishaps, and miracles. Come join me on this journey.