The Notebook...Lice Edition

It’s Tuesday night!!  Blog night!!  I know I said I would post a blog every Thursday...I missed the deadline.  So I fired myself.  And then I rehired myself.  With a signing bonus.  And a new contract.  With no deadlines.  So, let’s just pretend like I never said that Thursday would be Blog Day.  Mmmmm’kay!

Actually, I had every intention to write my blog earlier last week , but then we had the Lice Epidemic of 2017 break out at our house.  Only two out of seven of us were hospitable enough to house the unwanted visitors (and those two shall remain nameless due to threats on my life...but if you really want to know, ask Machen.  He’ll tell ya.).

 "I ain't getting no lice!  I wear shower caps under my hats, helmets, and ball caps."  #weird #buteffective

"I ain't getting no lice!  I wear shower caps under my hats, helmets, and ball caps."  #weird #buteffective

But we are all for one and one for all around here- so everyone got treated...except for Brett, who refused to “throw money away on expensive treatments when we only found a total of two white flakes on the kids’ heads in a sea of 5 billion strands of hair.”  Little does he know that I sprayed his hair while he was sleeping...two nights in a row.  Mama don’t play.  Especially when it comes to little white flakes.  Party of Seven equals 3,862 hours of lice clean-up.  It’s enough to make someone go crazy...or in my case, go to jail.  Early Wednesday morning around 3 am after hours upon hours of meticulously checking every strand of hair in our house and completing our 32nd load of laundry knowing I would have to do all of this again in 5 to 7 days for the follow-up treatment, I walked outside to our front porch with a gasoline can in one hand and a book of matches in the other.  I had a very simple solution to this issue.  Torch everything and just start over.   But Brett reminded me that would be arson, and if I thought lice was a problem at our house,  just wait until I went to jail.  I’m not sure when Brett became an expert on the lice outbreaks in female prisons, but I’ll take his word for it (because he is super smart...and super hawt).  So I reluctantly put the gas can down, collapsed completely exhausted into his open arms.  And knowing exactly what to say,  he held me and told me everything would be ok.  And while I sobbed and snotted with my head on his shoulder, I tried my very hardest to rub my hair on his hair...just incase I had lice too and he didn’t...because that’s what married people do, folks.

 To have and to hold, through sickness and what may be lice but is probably just dandruff...

To have and to hold, through sickness and what may be lice but is probably just dandruff...

The truth of the matter is this...I handled a divorce ten years ago better than I handled the Lice Epidemic of 2017.  I mean seriously people, I completely fell apart.  I wept, I prayed, I yelled, I couldn’t eat for days (well, I skipped a meal.  I mean I skipped dessert.  Ok, I didn’t skip anything, but I was sad and stressed and thought about not eating), I cried out “Why, God??  Why, me??”  I went completely out of my mind.  

 OK, now this is just funny.  Somebody cross-stitch me this saying.

OK, now this is just funny.  Somebody cross-stitch me this saying.

But now that I have had a little time to reflect, I can see that God was answering prayers even through my darkest lice hour.  You see a long time ago after watching The Notebook for the first time, I prayed a simple little prayer- “Lord, I need a Noah in my life.”  If you’ve never seen The Notebook, you may want to x out of this blog at this point or at least go watch The Notebook and then come back to this blog...who am I kidding, everyone has seen The Notebook.  Except for Brett and probably the one other guy that reads this blog!  I’m sorry, Gavin, you probably won’t “get” this blog.  Go back and read the Nipple one.  

Anyways, through this horrid lice experience, I realized that God does answer prayers because he DID put a Noah in my life.  Brett is my Noah!!  

The Notebook:

Noah to Allie: “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.”

(Isn’t that the most ridiculous yet romantic thing you have ever heard??)

The Notebook Lice Edition:

Brett to Me: “If you’re a lice carrier, I’m a lice carrier.”  

(Totally Ridicu-Mantic.  I just made that word up.  Feel free to use it.)

The Notebook:

Noah to Allie: “I wrote you 365 letters. I wrote you everyday for a year. It wasn't over… it still isn't over!"

The Notebook Lice Edition:

Brett to Me: “ I’ve checked you 365 times.  I will check every hair on your head for a year.  It wasn’t over...it still isn’t over!”

The Notebook:

Noah to Allie: “"It's not going to be easy. It's going to be really hard. And we're going to have to work on this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me.”

The Notebook Lice Edition:
Brett to Me: “"It's not going to be easy. It's going to be really hard. And we're going to have to work on this every day, but I want to do that because I want you...to get rid of this lice. I want you...to get rid of it all, forever, you and me.”

You see.  Brett is my Noah.  Through good times and bad.  Through sickness and health.  Through bottle and bottle and bottle of Rid.  Brett is my Noah.

Well, Brett is my Noah...until he says something like he did tonight while I’m wearing my shirt that says Grand Canyon across the chest…”Hey Leigh...Whoa, Grand Canyon??  More like Grand Tetons!!”  Moron.

 So ridicu-mantic.

So ridicu-mantic.


Thank you, Lord, for my Noah.  You’re always answering prayers and always Saving Seven (even from lice).  And if we ever have a lice epidemic like that again, I will be grateful for all that You have done for me...I may be in the Willis Knighton psych ward licking the wall, but still forever grateful.

Amen.

 Somebody check my head.  Leigh

Leigh Chamberlain13 Comments